Pokemon: The Real Ash Ketchum
by super pancake jutsu
Summary: You think Ash is just an innocent little pokemon trainer.....WRONG! In this story, you will see the real Ash Ketchum. Get ready for a shocker.......


Pokemon: The Real Ash Ketchum

Alarm Clock: BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

Mrs. Ketchum: ASH WAKE UP!! I HAVE ROASTED LARD FOR BREAKFAST!

Ash: Oh god not again.

Ash then grabbed the bottle of whiskey out from under his bed and took a swig and threw it in his back pack. He then grabbed the XX magazines and stuffed them in his backpack.. Ash threw some skinny jeans on and put on his hardcore rocker shirt. He slipped on some converse and ran downstairs.

Mrs. Ketchum: God what took you so long. Are you slow or somethin!!

Ash: No i had to get my stuff for school! Your the one that uses a restraint potty!

Mrs. Ketchum: Fine, you get no breakfast. Those restraints are for my big poops. I need them or else my face will pop because i pushed to hard! GET A LIFE ASH!! YOUR 20 AND YOU ARE LIVIN IN YOUR MOM'S HOUSE!! GET A F"ING JOB AND MOVE OUT BEFORE I KILL YOU WITH A PLUNGER!!

Ash then took another swig of whiskey. He then called pikachu.

Ash: PIKACHU GET YOUR FAT ASS OUT HERE!! I'M GOIN TO SCHOOL HURRY UP YOUR SO FAT!

Pikachu then wobbled out from under the couch with a bottle of vodka at hand. He took a swig.

Pikachu: UHHHHH DUHHHHH...I LOVE CHICKS!! VODKA I WILL MARRY!! MMMMM.

Ash: Pickachu your such a drunk! Get help before i shoot you!

Pikachu: I'M NOT DRUNK I'M JUST BUZZED!

Ash then pulled out a poke ball. Ash told pikachu to get in the ball.

Pikachu: AH GOD! YOU KNOW I'M TO FAT TO GET IN THERE!

Ash: Well suck it up and deal with it.

Pikachu then crawled back under the couch. Ash decided to leave pikachu. He walked out the door and hopped into his soccer mom van. He drove to his friend Mitch's house to pick up some drugs and gave him a ride to school.

Ash: Hey Mitch you got the stuff!?

Mitch: Yea why wouldn't i have it!?

Mitch handed Ash a 1/2 pound sack of weed. Ash grabbed it and rolled the weed into a piece of paper. He then smoked it.

Ash: Hey this isn't half bad. Where do you get this?

Mitch: From my Uncle Janice.

Ash: JANICE!! WTF!! What guy has the name Janice!

Mitch: Don't ask. He is a male stripper.

Ash: Oh that explains it. So you need a ride or what?!

Mitch: Does it look like i have a car? No duh i need a ride.

Ash: okay then hop in already!

Ash and Mitch then rode to school. They both ended up smoking the whole sack of weed. Ash and Mitch opened the door and walked out of the van. A huge puff of smoke came out when Mitch opened the door.

Ash: Holy CRAP! What happened!

Ash had about 7 dents in his car and an old lady stuck to his bumper. Mitch told him that he had driven through a retirement home.

Ash: oh oh well her time is basically up anyways.

Mitch: Yea hey i am going to class. I hope Mrs. Dickson is dead so you don't have to deal with her.

Ash: I know right.

Ash: PEACE!

Mitch: Peace!

Ash then walked to Mrs. Dickson's classroom. Mrs. Dickson then started talked about world war 2. Ash then stood up and flicked her of and threw a ruler at her. She turned around and threw it back at him.

Dickson: Ash Ketchum, you better stop or else!

Ash: OOOOH i am so scared i pissed my pants. HAHAHA! Hey has anybody ever told you that...That...your...FAAAAATTTTT!

The whole class started throw paper and all sorts of things at Mrs. Dickson. Mrs. Dickson then grabbed her purse and her keys. She ran to the window and jumped out. The whole class spit spitballs at her as she ran to her car. Mrs. Dickson drove away and Ash grabbed a sniper rifle and shot her. All the kids thanked Ash for murdering her.!!

Class: ASH YOU RULE OMG I LOVE YOU SO!!

Ash: NO NO PICTURES PLEASE PLEASE. I Guess military school did pay off.

Ash ran out of class and met Mitch in the back of the school. Mitch was freaking out about getting shot for drugs and dying.

Ash: yo yo yo man come on chill out!

Mitch: NO DUDE NO!! I need the drugs back seriously I'm gonna get shot!

Ash: Hell to the no! I already smoked it all you Rtard!

Mitch: Fine Ill tell my people that you stole the drugs and guess what...You will get shot! HAHAHAHA!

Mitch ran away and he was never ever seen again! Ash started to freak out and went to his van. He hopped in and went home.

His mom was waiting in the kitchen with the job section out of the newspaper. She then gave Ash a evil glare.

Mom: Hey You dumb ass get a job!

She threw the paper at him.

Ash: Hey I WILL I'M NOT IN THE MOOD! HOW BOUT YOU GET YOUR FAT SUCKED OUT OF YOUR STOMACH!

Ash's mom cried and ran to her bedroom. Ash ran upstairs and locked the door. He looked over at his bed and the sheets began to rustle. He walked over slowly and grabbed the sheets. He yanked the sheets off the bed. There was Pikachu and Sharon his slutty pikachu. Pikachu sat up.

Pikachu: HEY WTF!! THINGS WERE GETTIN GOOD!

Ash: I DON'T CARE GET OUT!!

He grabbed both of them and threw them out the window.

Ash: GET A LIFE YOU FATTY!

Ash heard a car pull up. He looked out his window and saw Tuna (the hardcore gangsta). Tuna had a pistol in his pocket. All his other gangsta Buddy's came out of the car with guns. Tuna looked up and saw Ash. He yelled at them.

Tuna: GET THAT WHITE BOY AND MY DRUGS I DON'T CARE IF HE IS DEAD OR ALIVE!!

Ash freaked out and ran around in the room screaming and pissing his pants. He remembered he had a machine gun in his closet from military school. He grabbed it and loaded it.

Ash: ITS CLOBBERING TIME!!

Tuna and his gangsta Buddy's then ran upstairs. Tuna then shot his pistol. Poke balls started coming out!! Charamanders busted out of the poke balls. It was ashes turn. Ash then shot his machine gun and poke balls flew out. PING PING PING PING! But...nothing came out.

Ash: AWWWW DAMN IT!!

TUNA: HAHAHAHAHA STUPID WHITE BOY YA TRICK YA TRICK YA!!

TUNA: FIRE!!

The charamanders then blew fire all over ash. Ash ran around on fire! Tuna grabbed a pistol and shot ash. Ash stopped and fell to the floor. With one last break ash said "F YOOUUUUUUUUUUUuuuuuu..." Tuna and his gangsta buddy's left.

Tuna: What a panzi!

Tuna and his gangsta buddy's rode away back to there ghetto!

Then all of a sudden...Mitch ran up to ash and kicked him!

Mitch: hahahahahaha my drugs im alive your not hahahahaha!

Pikachu then walked up stairs.

Pikachu: Hey bitch, eat this!!

Pickachu shot Mitch with a rifle. Mitch dropped to the floor.

Pickachu walked off and started shouting random stuff. He grabbed his whore and went back under the couch.

Pickachu: YA TRICK YA I OWNED THIS STORY MAYNE!! YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BOIIIIIIIIIII!!

Life in the Ketchum house improved after ash died. Mrs. Ketchum lost 286 pounds using Jenny. She also got back together with Mr. Ketchum and has a baby named misty. Pikachu got sober and lives in the attic with his wife Betty. They now have 3 beautiful children, Pi, Ka, and Chu. But Ash will always be remembered as the son who never got sober.

The end...


End file.
